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May 10, 2011

Are You A Special Case?

by Amelia Piper
you a special case

In an email exchange with someone who was asking my advice on whether or not they should use a love spell, the following was said: “I don’t know, I don’t think it will work for me, my case is different”. Everyone thinks their case is unique, but is that really true?

In fact, I hear exactly the same kind of thing, on average, two or three times a week. People say to me “Yes but my situation is complicated” or “I’m sure it works for most people, but it won’t work for me”.

You know what? You are certainly unique as a person, and your situation is probably very complicated. But in the grand scheme of things, your situation is exactly like that of literally thousands of other people. Probably even hundreds of thousands!

It’s human nature to imagine that we’re somehow different to everyone else. As people, we are indeed individuals. But the things that happen to us are very common indeed. When I talk to people who want to use spells, or have actually used them, I hear the same stories over and over. Certainly the intricate details vary, the insignificant things about dates and times, places, names, and so forth.

The bigger picture stuff though, the overall gist of what was said or done, that’s always the same. Relationship problems really are remarkably similar.

So why is everyone convinced their case is unique? Well as I said, it’s human nature. And there are sound psychological reasons too. For example, when we break up with someone we love, we are deeply hurt. We take it very personally, even more so if the person who split up with us is now seeing someone else. That new person, apparently, is a better option for our ex. By logical extension, that means there must be something wrong with us. Hence, we are a special case.

And when a breakup comes out of the blue, we look everywhere for explanations. How can this have happened? Why did it happen now? Why to me? It’s difficult to admit to ourselves that sometimes these things just don’t work out. In a strange way, it is comforting to think that there must be some deeper reason for this to have occurred. That we are a very special and unusual case, that this must be something more than just a simple breakup.

It’s exactly the same kind of thinking that drives conspiracy theories all over the world. It’s somehow so much more comforting to imagine that Princess Diana was killed by a palace sponsored hit man in a secret plot, than to accept the painful reality that actually, sometimes tragic accidents do happen. Conspiracies, and believing we are different, are ways of making sense of the chaotic world around us.

None of this thinking happens at a conscious level, it’s all going on under the surface, just out of reach. And the sad thing is that it sabotages many of our attempts to retrieve the lost relationship.

Because the simple fact is, in all the years I’ve been studying love spells, and all the hundreds of couples I’ve met who have used them, I have never once met a truly “special” case. At least a third of those people I’ve met, believed that they were. They were truly convinced that a spell would work for everyone else except them. And yet, when they used spells, they did work.

So if you’re holding back on using a love spell, or indeed on doing anything else to fix your relationship, because you think you’re somehow unique – please don’t! Your situation may seem that way to you, but take a step back and you might just see that actually thousands of people are going through the exact same thing. Yes it’s painful, it hurts, and it seems impossible. Just as it does for everyone else in the same boat.

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